By Tyler Socash
IG: @tylerhikes
I'm currently sitting in an outhouse along the Whanganui River section of Te Araroa. The plain exterior of the latrine gave me little hope, but as it turns out this is a remarkably good place to think and reflect. While basking in solitude, I'm reminded that I left Part 2 of my Tongariro Crossing hike hanging. 6 days into a 7-day paddle, I thought now would be the best time to retell my favorite day of tramping....
....but first we really need to unpack what is happening in this outhouse. Shuttering as I meekly creaked the door open, I was taken aback by the sleek interior. The bland wood tones revealed no sign of wear, nor any noticeable trace of human defilement.
"Is this a 10/10 outhouse with regards to cleanliness?" I asked myself. Yes, yes it is true. Unexpected and unprecedented!
This Whanganui River outhouse now stands an exemplar, a beacon of hope for all other outhouses to emulate. Jer and I give you the official Outhouse Rankings Criterion:
● Cleanliness (0-10)
● Smell / Ventilation (0-10)
● Spiders / Insects (0-10)
● Lighting, Locking Mechanism, & General Aesthetics (0-10)
● The Long Drop (0-10)
Thanks for reading that, and now I digress...
I was simultaneously nervous and excited. Jer, Dan, and I left the Mangatepopo Hut at precisely 5:30pm armed with one personal locator beacon, one bottle of water, our cameras, and three headlamps. I remember using the Mangatepopo outhouse before I left. It was just OK. We wanted to travel light so that we could return to our packs as quickly as possible. Our friends were pushing onward another 9km, so we suspected that we wouldn't catch up with them until midnight.
My nervous energy dissipated as we began our 5km uphill jog towards the base of Mount Ngauruhoe. The conversations between the three of us certainly seemed to shorten the distance. Jer and Dan are two of the nicest Americans I could have hoped to meet on trail. Loveable, humble, tall, tanning, handsome. These boys make me laugh, and more importantly, they make me think. Surround yourself with exceptional people, and you yourself will improve.
Jer is a legend. Jer competes in triathlons. Jer already completed a pure thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail. Jer was born in Hawaii. I respect Jer. Jer has a blog. You will enjoy his blog immensely. Allow me to direct you to the promised land. Jer and Anna actually update their blog regularly. Only continue reading mine to hear more about Dan...
Dan is a heroic firefighter (Dan, you are my hero, and this is my blog). Dan is a man of science. Dan loves the great American band Guster. Dan has many nicknames, including Downstream Dan, Graceful Dan, No Fun Dan, Dislodge Dan, and Midnight Eggs Dan. I respect Dan.
Man-crushes aside, the slopes of this volcano are intimidating. Ngauruhoe appears to have a sustained 40 degree pitch for 600 vertical meters in every approach to the summit crater. Jer and Dan will disarm you with their charming smiles, just to toss in one more man-crush sentiment.
At 6:18pm we stand in awe at the red and black mass of Mount Doom. Now at its base, we evaluate our approach. An interpretive sign shows us where the 1975 lava flow happened. That's not too long ago in geological time... We are about to climb an active volcano.
Jer, Dan, and I begin the ascent. It's easy for the first 10 minutes. Then we hit the scree field. Loose lava rock shifts and manipulates our boots into awkward positions as we ascend. It's a "choose your own adventure" up there. Previous trampers, all seeking the easiest/safest path upwards, have made footpaths in every direction. Every step leaves a footprint, and our arduous climb was only beginning.
"Let's ask these two people descending which way they recommend," I said to Jer and Dan. As the two hikers retreated it didn't look like they had a successful go at summiting. They carried heavy demeanors, heavier packs, and one of them had a freshly bloodied leg. Unfortunately they only made it a hundred meters uphill before being forced back by the difficulty. I began to wonder if Ngauruhoe's glamorized reputation as Mount Doom encouraged hoards of ill-equipped trampers to attempt a summit approach. Were the three of us sucked into the same trap?
The struggle was real. Three fit men in the prime of their lives were moving one step forwards, two steps back. Ngauruhoe's scree was unforgiving. I dislodged one rock which tumbled past my friends and went all the way to the base of the mountain. Tongariro Crossing, which seemed high as we hiked over it in the afternoon, already looked impossibly far down from our elevated vantage point.
Hope faded as we made tortoise-like progress. The sun was setting. It was getting colder, and none of us brought warm layers...
Just then a spry man came darting down the scree as a downhill skier carves through fresh powder.
"Hey!" I cried out to him. We were at our vertical limit. "Is there another approach that you would recommend? We are having some trouble here."
"Sure," the tramper offered, "aim for that rock spine off to the left."
Any alternative sounded better than our current route. The three of us scurried along the volcanic rock and completed the traverse to the rock spine. Our spirits lifted immediately. Solid ground! Handholds! More time to think of our favorite LOTR quotes! I even found a discarded bottle with water in it. (We carried it out... And drank all of the water.) The Leave No Trace battle against the Leave Trace supporters is unending.
As we crested the summit crater, we noticed thermal vents giving off sulfuric steam. Elation! We made it! Our enthusiasm was palpable. The three of us released barbaric shouts into the atmosphere. Jer stood in the hot gaseous vents. Dan noticed Ruapehu in the distance. We ran along the summit ridge as a team. We were so pumped.
That's when we noticed the snowfield. "Should we make snow angels?" Jer asked rhetorically. Of course we would make snow angels. How many times in your life will you be able to make snow angels on top of Mount Doom?!?!
Euphoria. That's what it was. Mount Taranaki's conical peak jutted up above the clouds far in the western sky. Ruapehu's snow-crested ridge glistened in the waning sunlight. The volcanic fields around Tongariro National Park made us feel like we were on Mars with Matt Damon. Climbing up to the actual crater of Ngauruhoe's peak truly felt like being on top of Middle Earth.
The descent made me think of Kate and Bekah. I thought of Kate because she is an avid skier, and we were glissading down the scree field like Olympians carving fresh powder. Jer entered Beast Mode and finished his rapid descent in 20 minutes! I thought of Bekah because only hours earlier we promised to do Mount Doom together someday. Now I know the correct approach for our next Mount Doom attempt. Punctuated with an epic full moonrise over this volcanic kingdom, it was time to go back to our trail families.
Reyne, Sebastien, Kate, Rebekah... We all make up "The Cute Boys Club" (shout out to my friend Zack back in Rochester). That's our trail family name. Jer and Dan have been traveling with "Couples Retreat" along with Anna, Alex, and Alex.
As we scampered downhill, Mount Doom's shadow extended over Tongariro Crossing. The shadow was nearly 10km long. Our bedraggled bunch returned to the Mangatepopo Hut at 9:30pm, exactly 4 hours after our departure. Add this trip to your bucket list, but try to go during the shoulder season. We had Mount Doom to ourselves at the summit, and I'd want you to have the same magical experience. I'm glad that I utilized the Awesome Principle and made an everlasting memory with Jer and Midnight Eggs Dan.
As the aphorism states, a rising tide lifts all ships. You'll learn in the next blog how a rising Whanganui River sinks all ships...
That's all from the Hipango Park outhouse! I cannot believe that there are no spiders in here.
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